I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
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He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
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I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
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