i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Randomize
