why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
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