We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
