oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
my shit smells like andre
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
So vagazzling was a success
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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