Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
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