Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Randomize
