I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
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