I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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