haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
