problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
I swear she didn't look like that last week.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
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