break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Randomize
