Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
