dude i'm inner monologue high
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Randomize
