you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
