i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Randomize
