a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Randomize
