I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
i've created a new STD.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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