i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Randomize
