If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
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