It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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