i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
Why can't burritos get me drunk
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
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