dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
