the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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