so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
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