I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
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