I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
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