i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Randomize
