He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
