I faked an abortion last night.
So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
Randomize
