I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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