your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
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