wanna go halves on a baby?
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
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