If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
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