i love accidental penises.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
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