i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
Randomize
