I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
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