we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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