on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
