Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
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