When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
