Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Randomize
