just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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