I CAN MOONWALK!
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
Randomize
