I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
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