and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
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I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
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