they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
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