you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
