so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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