I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
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