Your tits are I can't wait for
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Randomize
