Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
