wake up i wanna do it froggy style
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
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I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
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He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
That's how pantless uber rides happen
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
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