i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
