I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
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