yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Randomize
