Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Randomize
