I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
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