Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Randomize
