Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
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