so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
