I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
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