plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
My ass is underappreciated
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Randomize
