Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
