I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
Randomize
